(Not So) Elite Penguin Force: Paper Chill: The Thousand-Year Door

Prologue: A Rogue's Welcome
Chill: Zee Thousand Year Door is so phun :D

Chill's brother, Chilly walks into the dark living room.

Chilly: Chill, are you EVER going to go to bed? It's 11:36 PM now and your game keeps making me wake up.

Chill: Oh, sowwie Bro.

Chill hits a save block, then turns off his Gamecube. Afterwards, he heads into his bedroom, takes off his checkered shoes, sets his amulet on the table, and falls asleep.

Blip bloop blap

Chill wakes up and puts his amulet and checkered shoes back on. He heads to the table and puts his waffles in the toaster.

Chilly: Hey bro.

A cold gust of wind flies through the igloo.

Chilly: Bro, when are you gonna fix the fireplace from Holley breaking it?

Chill: Once I get enough WB$ to buy a new one from Freezerburn Mall. Those things aren't cheap!

Chill's waffles come out burnt. Orangey eats them.

Parakarry: MAIL CALL!

Chilly throws a chocolate cake and Parakarry. He flees.

LMGT: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

LMGT eats the cake and explodes.

Chilly walks outside.

Chilly: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GUACAMOLE HAPPENED OUT HERE?!?!?!?

Chill walks outside to see that, once again, their house has been placed over the house of the Mario brothers.

Chilly: Oh well. Might as well get the mail. Hey, there's something from Princess Peach! :O A TRESHUR MAP!

Chill: Nowai!

A little while later...

Chilly: Have a safe trip, bro!

Chilly, Mario, Johnny, LMGT, Penquino, and Brook watch as the cruise ship Chill is on slowly floats into the distance. It disappears over the horizon, as Bro runs toward the Dock.

Bro: I didn't miss anything did I?

Mario: facepalm

A little while later (again)...

The cruise ship stops abruptly at Rogueport's dock. Chill gets sent flinging off onto the ground.

Chill: Hey! The box said fragile!

The cruise ship explodes.

Goombella: EEK! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Lord Crumpet and a few Y-Nauts are chasing Goombella around.

Chill: USE TEH FORCE!

Goombella: GAWAWAWAWAWAWAW!

Lord Crumpet: ...

Chill: FINE! ARE PEA GEE!

Miniboss: Lord Crumpet

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Lord Crumpet: EEK! (4/5)

Goombella > Headbonk

Lord Crumpet: OH NOEZ! (3/5)

Lord Crumpet > Tackle

Chill: D'oh I missed! (8/10)

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Lord Crumpet: !!! (2/5)

Goombella > Headbonk

Lord Crumpet: *sniff* (1/5)

Lord Crumpet > Tackle

Chill: Fail :D (6/10)

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Lord Crumpet: *sniff* *sniff* ...MOMMY! (0/5)

Lord Crumpet runs away.

Battle Over

Goombella: Hey, thanks for saving me!

Chill: No problum!

Goombella: Sooooo... I JOINS ME A PARTY! :D GAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAW!

Chill: Oh gosh.

Goombella runs off to Professor Frankly's Laboratory. Chill follows her.

Professor Frankly: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Goombella: Yesh I findz sum1 2 get tresher.

Professor Frankly: Dat eez amayzing stoodint.

Mario: MARWEEISH ATTACK!

Mario explodes and knocks Goombella and Professor Frankly to their senses.

Chill walks through the door.

Professor Frankly: Guess wut? We're gonna make yew go into zee sewers! :D

They walk outside with Professor Frankly. Yeah, he's gonna follow them around.

Gus: HEY! You gotta defeat me to get through >:D

Chill: !pwn Gus

LM96Bot comes and throws Gus into the air.

Gus: RAWR!

York: MY LINE!

York beats up Gus in midair.

Chill sees a moldy pipe.

Chill: I have to go down THAT?

Professor Frankly: Yes :)

Chill: I wanna test it first!

Chill shoves Professor Frankly into the pipe. He gets chewed up by a Piranha Plant.

Goombella: PROFESSOR FRANKLY!

Duh duh duh duh duh DUH!

Chill: I knew dat was bad.

Goombella: ...

Chill digs a hole next to the pipe and they fall into the sewers.

Chill: NO!!!

Goombella: What now?

Chill: ZEE MUSIC IS NOT GOOD ENUFF!

The underground music from Super Paper Mario plays.

Fourth Wall: OWCH!

Chill: We didn't break yew :|

The Fourth Wall explodes.

Big Blooper: He exploded on me >:( ARE PEA GEE CUZ ITS UR FAULT!

Miniboss: Big Blooper

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Big Blooper: BLOOP! (9/10)

Goombella > Headbonk

Big Blooper: Bloopidy bloop bloop! (8/10)

Big Blooper > Slap

Chill: D'oh I missed! (7/10)

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Big Blooper: >:| (7/10)

Goombella > Headbonk

Big Blooper: Blooper... (6/10)

Chill uses a cheat code.

Big Blooper: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? (0/10)

Yew got some star points. Whoop dee doo.

Battle Over

Big Blooper explodes.

Chill: We need to cross zee water.

Chill tries to swim but Sharkstry eats him. Chill falls back on the ground.

Goombella: We gotta float across on that Super Leaf.

Chill: D'oh I missed!

They jump on it and float to the other side. It turns into a badge.

Chill: Huh?

TANOOKI BADGE

With this badge, you can use a Tanooki tail to whip your enemies.

Chill collects it.

Goombella: Neato!

Chill sees Freddy K.

Freddy K: Hai! I appear in this story where I sell you treasure chests and-

Chill blows up Freddy's wagon.

Freddy K: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Freddy gets dumped in the water. Chill picks up the treasure chest and opens it.

JOGGING BADGE

With this badge, you can use the Jogging Pants to fly (only works in the overworld).

Chill collects it.

Goombella: Look! A giant bottomless pit of doom!

Chill jumps over it and uses his Jogging Pants to fly over the pit. Goombella gets warped to him.

Goombella: Look! A totally unsuspicious door!

They go inside.

Merlee: Hello! Welcome to Merlee's Thousand Year Mansion! ...Yeah, there's no mansion. I was being cheap.

Chill puts his map into a slot next to the Thousand Year Door. It gets swallowed and spit out.

Goombella: Look! It says the first place we need to go is Hooktail Castle. And there's a pipe right there!

Chill and Goombella fall down it.

PT: There's gonna be a twist! When they go into a pipe to a new location, they have to do a BONUS STAGE! Which is really hard!

OBJECTIVE! You gotta escape this volcano before you guys get melted!

Goombella: Aww great.

The lava starts rising.

Chill: I KNOW!

Chill uses the Jogging Pants and flies out. Goombella gets warped to him.

CHALLENGE CLEAR!

Chill: Yippe!

The volcano vanishes and Chill and Goombella start falling down the pipe again.

Chapter 1: Castle and Dragon
SPLAT!

Chill: My face... OOH! Flowers!

Saraapril: PRETTY PINK and PURPLE :)

Saraapril leaves to collect flowers and drops a badge.

PINK BADGE

Causes people with BAD attitude to get sealed in a ball of PINK :)

Chill: Umm, okay?

Chill collects it.

Wario: WAHAHA! I HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE >:)

The Pink Badge goes into effect and Wario gets sealed in a ball of pink. It flies into Chill's pocket. They continue into Petalburg.

Chill: I could go for a hamburger right now...

PT: Cool! Because I just got my paycheck from Count Bleck (he's WAY overdue) and I'm taking everyone I like to McDonald's! Which is you guys. Cuz I'm lazy.

Chill: You worked for Count Bleck?

PT: Yeah! I worked for him a few years ago! But I didn't know we were the bad guys. I only joined him because his idiot assistant said there would be donuts but there weren't! But I got pizza out of it :)

Chill: ...

PT warps himself, Chill, and Goombella to McDonald's.

PT: I just realized. That was my first line in the story!

McDonald's Employee: What would you like?

PT: I'll have zee Quadruple Cheeseburger and Large Fries! :)

Chill: The 20-piece Chicken McNugget thing!

Goombella: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

LMGT: MY LINE!

LMGT beats up Goombella and explodes.

Goombella: Oww... I'll have aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Apple Pie ^_^

McDonald's Employee explodes. Seconds later, he comes back with a tray containing a Triple Cheeseburger, Medium Fries, 15-Piece Chicken McNugget, and half an Apple Pie.

PT: ...

McDonald's Employee: I got hungry.

PT pays. They eat their food but PT drops a fry on the floor and McDonald's Employee eats it.

Chill: Omnomnomnom

Afterwards...

PT: I'M BROKE!

Chill: Well if that stupid employee didn't make you pay full price for the food that he ATE, you wouldn't be. Cuz then we had to buy some more food to make up for it. :|

PT: Err...Whoops?

Oh yeah, they're back in Petalburg. Except PT, he's in the author booth.

Koopstar: Hey man. This is Petalburg. To get to Shhwonk Fortress you gotta go on the path then get some keys to get to Hooktail Castle.

Hooktail appears out of nowhere and eats Koopstar. She flies off. Meanwhile in Hooktail Castle...

Mario: OOH! Treasure!

Mario opens up a treasure chest as Hooktail smashes down the wall.

Hooktail: How DARE you steal my treasure?!?

Mario: O______________O

Mario gets eaten by Hooktail. Meanwhile back in Petalburg...

Chill: TO THE PATH!

Ben: I CHALLENGE YEW TO A POKEBATTLE!

Chill throws the pink ball with Wario inside at Ben and knocks him out. He continues to Shhwonk Fortress.

Koops: WAAAAAAAAAIT!

Chill: ?

Koops: Can I...Err, ummm...NEVERMIND!

Koops explodes.

Goombella: That was weird.

Chill turns around and bumps into the wall of Shhwonk Fortress.

Chill: How did THAT get there?

PT: Magic :)

Chill: ..............................................................

Dottie: DOT OVERLOAD!

Dottie explodes.

Chill: I'm glad I got rid of Wario. I should use that to beat up annoying people though.

They enter Shhwonk Fortress and find the keys laying out in the open.

Chill: This is cheap.

Chill sees a hamburger laying out in the open on a small table.

Goombella: IT'S A TRAP!

Chill grabs it and eats it.

Gold Fuzzy: My burger :( *sniff* YEW WILL PAY!

Gold Fuzzy jumps at Chill.

Miniboss: Gold Fuzzy

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Gold Fuzzy: Ow! (2/3)

Goombella > Headbonk

Gold Fuzzy: MEEORK! (1/3)

Gold Fuzzy > Gold Chomp

Chill: OW! (1/10)

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Gold Fuzzy: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek...

Battle Over

Because I'm lazy they get plunged to the entrance of Petalburg.

Chill: OW! Why didn't you make us teleport?

PT: I didn't feel like it.

Chill: ...

Koops: Meestah Chill, I have something to ask yew...

Chill: What?

Koops: Err...Umm... OH PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU TO DEFEAT HOOKTAIL I BEG OF YEW!

Chill: Mmkay.

Koops: YAHOO!

Yahoo! comes and sues Koops.

Koops: Aww...

They get plunged to Hooktail Castle.

Goombella: OW!

Chill: This looks so hard. :(

Koops: Or we could use that rope.

Chill: ...Cool!

They climb over Hooktail Castle and fall into the boss room.

Hooktail: Penguin tastes good :)

Chill: EEK!

Hooktail: YAYZ! ANOTHER ONE!

Brook: MY LINE! Kinda...

Brook beats up Hooktail and explodes.

Boss: Hooktail

Chill: PINK BADGE! WHY WON'T YOU WORK!

Goombella: The batteries ran out.

Chill: Guess I have something to sell >:)

Koops: USE ME!

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Hooktail: Erk! (19/20)

Chill breaks open a Plus Barrel. His attack power raises to two.

Hooktail: NO FAIR! I took extra damage >:( (18/20)

Koops > Shell Shot

Hooktail: Argh! (16/20)

Hooktail > Bite

Chill: OWWWWWWWIE! (5/10)

Gold Fuzzy: I had more attack power then the chapter boss! Aren't you proud of me, mommy?

Chill: !pwn Gold Fuzzy

Gold Fuzzy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Chill > Party Hat Poke

Hooktail: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAR! (14/20)

York: Smart move.

Koops > Shell Shot

Hooktail: OWWWWWWWieeeeeeeeeee! (12/20)

Hooktail eats Chill's attack menu.

Chill: >:\

Chill picks up a slice of pizza on the ground and throws it at Hooktail's face.

Hooktail: RAWR! (10/20)

York beats up Hooktail.

Hooktail: Ugh... (5/20)

Koops > Shell Shot

Hooktail: WAIT! Stop... (3/20)

Chill: What now?

Hooktail: Smell my feet!

Chill: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Hooktail is about to eat the audience when...

Chill: !pwn Hooktail

Hooktail: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! (0/20)

A red star drops onto the floor. Chill picks it up.

Battle Over

The red star glows and falls out of Chill's flippers. It turns into Mario.

Mario: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...

Goombella: YAYZ!

They get teleported to Professor Frankly's lab.

Professor Frankly: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Chill: I should be the one saying that! How are you alive? o_O

Professor Frankly: I had a 1-up :D

Chill: ...

Professor Frankly: Anyway, I stole the Thousand Year Door's technology so you gotta go to zee BOGGLY WOODS!

The Party leaves. Chill slams the door so hard that a book falls off a shelf and onto Professor Frankly, ending has game again. Meanwhile, at Bowser's Castle...

Bowser: LA DEE DA!

Kammy: (thinking) Why am I working for him again?

Bowser: Because I made you do it. And put an electrical collar on you.

Kammy: Gah! Stop reading my mind!

Bowser: NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kammy: OH NOEZ! STOP YELLING! It makes me think of cookies and I'll go insane again!

Bowser: Whatever.

Morton runs into the room.

Morton: King Dad, Bowser, Father, Dahdah, Loyal Guardian, I have some news, info, discoveries for you. Mario, our nemesis, enemy, rival, fiend, has been searching, looking, scouring, for Crystal Stars.

Bowser: Hmm... Those sound like good world-conquering tools! BWAHAHA! Kammy! Get the Koopa Klown Kar!

Kammy: Okay your grouchiness!

Kammy flies away to the garage. Meanwhile, in Rogueport Sewers...

Chill: THE PIPE! :D

Chill tumbles into the pipe.

OBJECTIVE: Escape the whirlpool.

Chill: Oh great.

Chill gets really soggy but uses his Jogging Badge to fly out. Goombella and Koops are warped to him and the small lake explodes. They continue falling down the pipe and Chill dries off.

Chapter 2: The Great Boggly Tree
Chill: OW! My face...

Chill sees Beldam, Marylin, and Vivian.

Beldam: YEW LOST ZEE SKETCH OF CHILL ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Vivian: No yew had it!

Marylin: GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... (Why did Beldam have to brainwash me? And how do I know I'm brainwashed?)

Beldam: Magic :)

Marylin: UGUHHHHHH! (Stop reading my thoughts!)

Beldam: Well how do ya expect me to get this story right without a script? I can't memorize!

Vivian: I thought we were winging it.

Beldam and Marylin start beating each other up. Chill, Goombella, and Koops walk by.

Vivian: Hi.

Chill: Hi.

They leave.

Goombella: SUPER easy!